Ep. 256: Ambitious Women vs Lost Boys: The New Gender Divide
The gender divide is tearing through every corner of our lives right now, and honestly? It's fucking confusing out there. While ambitious women are crushing it in boardrooms and lecture halls, we're watching a crisis of masculinity unfold in real time—and the dating challenges that follow are enough to make you want to swipe left on humanity altogether.
How did we get to a place where traditional gender roles feel both completely outdated and weirdly appealing again, where toxic masculinity battles with something called "tonic masculinity," and where the trad wife movement is somehow trending on the same timeline as record-breaking female college enrollment? If you're watching this cultural battlefield from the middle like I am, wondering what the hell happened to just... connecting with people, then buckle up because we're about to unpack why everyone feels so damn lost.
In today's episode, we're talking about everything from the rise of incels to why Gen Z is rushing back to church, plus the real tea on why building meaningful friendships in adulthood feels harder than landing your dream job. This isn't about picking sides—it's about understanding how gender and mental health, modern family dynamics, and our collective fear of rejection are shaping the way we love, work, and show up in the world.
🔥 What We Talk About:
Why the gender divide is creating an 80/20 dating crisis that's leaving high-achieving women struggling to find equal partners
The shocking data behind the crisis of masculinity—including why suicide rates among young men are skyrocketing and what it means for all of us
How toxic masculinity versus tonic masculinity is reshaping what it means to be a man in 2025 (and why Tim Walz is the perfect example)
The real political agenda behind the trad wife movement and why "prairie core" isn't as innocent as those sourdough starters make it seem
Why 60% of college students are now women and how this educational flip is changing modern family gender roles forever
The connection between avoidance of pain, dating challenges, and why everyone's rushing back to traditional gender norms
How ambitious women are burning out trying to prove their worth while simultaneously being told to "lean back" into feminine energy
The surprising strategy for building deep friendships in adulthood that actually works (hint: it involves getting comfortable with rejection)
If this episode hit a nerve, GOOD! It means you're awake and ready to stop avoiding the hard conversations that actually change things. The state of gender roles is playing out in every boardroom, bedroom, and dating app, and understanding why we've ended up here gives you serious power to navigate it all differently.
So tell me: which part of this cultural shift resonates most with your own experience? Are you feeling the dating struggles, the friendship challenges, or maybe you're questioning everything you thought you knew about modern gender norms?
If you're ready to build something meaningful in your business, relationships, or leadership while working through any of this cultural chaos, book a free strategy call with me at allisonhare.com/freecall to find your voice in this shifting landscape.
Notable Timestamps
[00:01] - Episode introduction: The elephant in the gender studies room and why everything feels confusing right now
[02:30] - Growing up in the 90s: How women were socialized to be small, pleasant, and pick-me girls
[06:45] - The makeup bag story: Personal reflection on teenage socialization and the need to "present perfectly"
[09:15] - The Lost Boys Study: Data on how men are struggling educationally, economically, and mentally
[12:20] - Male suicide crisis: Why suicide is now the leading cause of death for men under 50
[14:10] - "The Mask You Live In" documentary discussion: How boys are limited to only two emotions
[17:35] - Toxic vs. tonic masculinity explained (Tim Walz as an example)
[19:45] - The incel movement and Andrew Tate's influence on frustrated young men
[25:30] - The tradwife movement: Political undertones behind the "prairie core" aesthetic
[31:20] - Personal story: Leaving corporate job and unlearning "never rely on a man" messaging
[36:15] - Modern dating crisis: The 80/20 problem and educational gender flip
[40:25] - Friendship struggles: The shame of not having a best friend as a high-performing woman
[43:50] - Coach Dara's friendship strategy: Being upfront about wanting deep connections
[48:30] - Avoidance of pain as the root of cultural problems
[52:15] - Final thoughts on connection, rejection, and getting out of comfort zones
📚 Resources Mentioned
"The Mask You Live In" - Documentary by Jennifer Newsome (Gavin Newsom's wife) about how boys are socialized to suppress emotions
The Lost Boys Study - Research from The Center for Social Justice (UK-based organization) examining educational and economic disparities affecting young men
Emily in Your Phone - Substack newsletter by Emily Amick discussing the political undertones of the tradwife movement
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